Sabotage, it's not just a Beastie Boys Song!

Well I guess I am going to go all deep with today's post.

It seems like I am sabotaging myself at every turn. I know I am supposed to log every bite that goes in my mouth, I know I am not suppose to eat; fried, fatty, high carb foods. I know I need to walk a least 10 minutes every day. I know all this.  And I do it, but then when I start seeing/feeling results, NS victories I being to sabotage myself. I run for the high carb, fatty fried chocolatey foods, I quit walking, I tell myself "I'll do it tomorrow" and instead I sit in my chair with my computer in my lap (like I am doing now) and dwell on it. It's almost as if I DONT want to lose weight.

I know myself well enough, I know I should probably go see a therapist/counselor/shrink because I know where the problem lies. I know what it is that is keeping me from doing what I need to do and stop sabotaging myself.

Hell I cant even say the reason out loud, I cant even write it down. But I know it.
It's one of those things you cannot repress, and just when you think you have it whipped, and you start feeling good about yourself, it shows right back up in your mind like a big ole mental zit.

The past 2 days, during the day I feel thinner (No, I am not going near the scale, that's a once a month thing) my clothing is loose, and my stomach pooch is flatter. Then that night, IDK something happens, its like a switch is flipped off, and all of a sudden I go right back to the way I wanted to eat before. I eat faster, and I want sweet things. It's like one part of my brain, the smart side just flips off, and the little kid side takes over. And its hard to beat that kid into submission.

I guess I am going to find a therapist somewhere in my area, I need to talk about my weight and why I sabotage it. Last time I went to a shrink they didn't want to talk about my issues, even thought I told him what it was I wanted to talk about. He said that was not the reason I was like I was and that the real issue was I had anger issues.. Ya think? Well dumbass where did those anger issues stem from? SMH. All he did was try hypnotherapy to make me lose weight and then put me on Prozac.
So I was a zombie who craved fried chicken and chocolate pie instead of brains. Yeah, that helped.
Everyone in the family loved it, they said I was so much calmer, but it did nothing for me mentally. It just gave me more time to dwell and more time to want to eat.

Ok enough of the depressing bullshit.

I have to brag on my Duckies, Lucy and Ethel. One layed me a HUGE duck egg!! It almost doesn't fit into the egg carton its so big!

And here is all the eggs I have got in 2 weeks time!!

I am off here, I have to feed the grandspawn and go get dog food, chicken food, and a nice electric fence for the dogs. 

Later!